Please welcome new blogger MARICELA ESTRADA!

Maricela Estrada is the author of Bipolar Girl: My Psychotic Self. Estrada received her Associates of Arts degree in Liberal Studies from Rio Hondo College in Whittier, CA and her Bachelor of Arts degree in Communications from California State University, Fullerton. She works for the Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health as a Peer Advocate. A Peer Advocate is a trained professional with life experience that is now able to reach out to others by providing peer support. Estrada believes that Bipolar Disorder is a gift of challenge that has made her stronger, resilient, loving, compassionate and caring. She does not see it is a disability but as a strength. Through this gift, she has become a motivational speaker on hope, wellness and recovery. After years thirteen years of being in and out of mental hospitals, she has found the ultimate strength to persevere and shine. Estrada’s mission is to reach out and share her story, spreading a message of hope all over the world. Her new book, Beautiful Bipolar Bisexual, continues her story.

Bipolar Butterflies

I have never loved anyone the way I love her. Her name is Pua Kwan and she lives in Hawaii. She is my bipolar soul mate. The most beautiful woman in the world but the laws of the universe can’t allow us to be together. We are both living with bipolar disorder and two rollercoasters are sure crash. After a painful break-up, it only took several months before Pua and I fell madly and insanely in love. It was a secret we held from each other but when we confessed our love for each other every day became more beautiful for us. Pua's dad was so happy to see his only daughter get better. He even said that she has a "peep in her step." Pua became my girlfriend. Every morning I would get a phone call from her a cheerful little high pitched "Good morning babe! It's me! What are you doing?" The funny thing is that Pua has a mono-toned voice normally she sounds like a man so truly to hear sound this happy and high pitched in her voice showed me how much she loved me. I asked her to be my girlfriend on New Year’s Eve 2009 going to be 2010. We spent it together an ocean apart but a webcam in front. It was one of the happiest days of my life.

But three months later it all came to a crash. Pua told me she had no money and she became a stripper addicted to cocaine. I had anxiety attacks every day because of it. It broke my heart to know my girlfriend was doing this just because she didn’t have money. I wished that I had the money to support her. She said she was having withdrawals from the cocaine and throwing up. This was one week before she was supposed to fly to Los Angeles to meet me for the first time. I facebooked Pua's mom and told her what happened. She was so worried but said Pua always just stays in her room. That's when it all went down. Pua was in tears a frantic mess. She finally texted me that it was all a lie for her sick pleasure. She said she was diagnosed with pseudologica fantastica. She is pathological liar. I didn't believe her. I was crying so much. I thought she was lying about lying because she had given me detail about working for Sundance and Empire and going shopping for stripper clothes and shows. I was so confused. In the middle of the night I got a voicemail from Pua's dad and it was all true. Pua is diagnosed with pseudologica fantastica. She wasn't a stripper addicted to cocaine. It was all a fantasy lie and that did it. She lied so much she began to believe them. That was one of the saddest days of my life. Pua and I had no choice but to break-up. Our mental illnesses were causing both of us to relapse and have episodes. Now two years later Pua has become my best friend. I can tell her anything. She is part of me, the part of me that I love the most. We are bipolar butterflies flying in our world of make-believe but the truth is our love will live for all eternity until we both fly to the Kingdom of God.

Bipolar butterfly

Lost and alone

Fighting a battle

In a mental war

Armed with salvation

God on her side

The war of insanity

Can inflict many wounds

Depression

Suicide

Delusions

Mania

And more

It's part of what makes

This butterfly unique

Flying around in a world of make belief

Bipolar Butterfly

Remember you have wings

Fly into the sun

And over the rainbow

The gold awaits you

In your beautiful heart

Remember my love

You have an angel

And God soothes your tears

You're never alone

We both have wings

And one day we'll meet

And together we'll see

The beautiful colors on our wings

God made us butterflies for a reason

Maybe we don't understand

But one day

The seasons of heaven will all make sense

There is a time for every purpose

The Lord is our Shepard

We lie in green pastures

Now I hope you will see

You were always my soul mate

And when you fear you're a lone

Don't feel you're unhappy

Because God sees much more

My bipolar butterfly

I will always love you

As you love me

Never forget

We both have wings