Untreated Mental Illness
An untreated mental illness can be difficult for not only the person who is suffering from the illness but also for the people who come into contact with the person, most commonly the people closest to the person. On the rare occasion a mental illness that a person is suffering from gets so far out of hand that it can become catastrophic. That is why it is so very important to seek treatment if you think you may be suffering from a mental illness or encourage someone to seek treatment if you think they may have a mental illness.
Someone who has an undiagnosed mental illness is usually feeling trapped inside their own mind. It can be like a prison to them and they cant find their way out. They need someone to show them the way. You feel confused, hurt, sad, angry and resentful or you have fanciful ideations. You think you are king of the world and can leap tall buildings with a single bound and are willing to prove it, you think you are bulletproof. These are very dangerous things…. There are other things that could be happening too… You could be seeing things that seem all too real to you but in fact are not real at all or hearing things/people/voices that are taking up a part of your mind that shouldn’t be there. There are many different traits to many different illness each with their own terrifying stories. The end result is the suffering they cause. But there is help available.
Long before I was diagnosed with a mental illness I suffered with symptoms. I knew I had problems but I didn’t know what to do about it. As early as 15 years old I started showing signs of depression. My parents always demanded to know what was wrong with me. Why did I “hide out” in my room all the time? Why was I never “happy” unless I was with my friends? I stopped eating by the time I turned 16 and it got so bad my parents would show up at my job and beg me to eat…. They would buy me anything I wanted if I would “just eat it”. I left home 3 months before I turned 17 years old and about 3 months after I turned 17 I overdosed. I spent the next several years in and out of relationships until I met my abusive husband at the age of 21. That was 5 ½ years of alcohol & depression, until I had my first child and left him. Then in a state of mania a year later I married my second husband after only knowing him for 9 days. Mind you, all of this is before I was diagnosed with a mental illness. I can only look back now and see the ups and downs and call them what they were. My second husband was in the military and was stationed half way across the country from where I grew up and away from all my family. So I left home. Now I had moved away from home before but never this far. The impact it had on my life was devastating. I went from mania to crazed anxiety within a month. It didn’t help that he was gone a lot on training missions. When he was home we began to argue all the time. He had a temper and I was having massive mood swings…. I kept telling him I didn’t feel right, that something was wrong with me I just didn’t understand what was going on. I begged him to take me to the doctor but he said the military Doctors wouldn’t know what to do. One night we got into an argument and he told me to leave. He told me he was putting me on a bus home. This hurt me more than anything. When I told him I wouldn’t go, he said he was leaving me. As he walked to the front door I attacked him. I started throwing things at him. This was totally out of character for me…. But I was standing beside a shelf full of what-knots and I just started throwing them at him. I emptied the whole shelf, I ended up breaking all my collectables and putting a dent in the door before he finally got his arms around me and pinned me down. I just started crying and he held me until I stopped shaking. Never raising his voice, just assuring me it was going to be alright. The next morning he took me to the doctors. They said it was anxiety. The military doctors never did get it right. We still argued and eventually I moved home to have my second child. He got out of the military and came home to be with me. Unfortunately we couldn’t save our marriage. After I left him, I began to spiral out of control and finally decided to seek help again. This time I found a good psychiatrist and 6 months after I ended my marriage I was diagnosed bipolar. I finally had the answers to so many questions. I felt like I could start rebuilding my life again. It has been a struggle but since I have been in treatment I have gradually found my way back to the surface and have kept my head above water.
I hurt a lot of people while I was going thru my life with an untreated mental illness. I ruined many relationships and broke many friendships. Some of those friendships I have been able to rebuild. But so many lives have been scarred. Sometimes we inflict damage that cant be undone even when we don’t mean to. It took many years for my husband and I to be able to even carry on a conversation without yelling at each other. Sometimes time does heal wounds…. Sometimes time isn’t even enough. Our country is sometimes touched with senseless violence at the hands of someone with a mental illness that has for one reason or another gone untreated or slipped thru the cracks. It is so important to spread the message, get mental illness awareness out there to everyone. Educate those who need to be educated to recognize the early signs so that they can get the help to those who need it. We need to end the stigma, stop being afraid of the unknown and spread the word.
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My name is Debra Kelly Greene. I live in Lenoir, NC and I am from the state of Iowa, where I grew up. It does not say who the writer is of this article, but she should be given the best regards for sharing her story. Personally, I was diagnosed with BiPolar Affect Disorder when I was in my mid twenties. I had started having short depressions in my late teens. They got worse as I went through undergraduate school. I have had many hospitilizations due to both acute depressive episodes and severe pain from FMS (fibromyalgia). The two disabilities can often "shake hands" and one has excruciating pain as a result. The most difficult thing that has been the upshot of all of this is that I do not feel accepted by my own family. Let me explain, I moved out of state from where I grew up and I DO NOT feel accepted by my own siblings for the most part. I feel as if they hold me "at arms length". I come from a large family. Some of them will communicate with me. The others choose to treat me as if I don't exist. I really have not done anything terrible to be treated like this and it frankly hurts my feelings. I have always been a gentle spirit and try to be kind to others. I have learned to stand up for myself through the painful years however. My immediate family that I have now in North Carolina is fine with me. Actually I feel totally accepted and understood. When I was hospitalized they would come to see me in the locked psych ward. Get this, I had to lie more than once and say that I was suicidal to get medical help for my pain, when in fact, rarely has that EVER been an actual issue for me. I was the one that asked for help for my pain, I was always a self admit. It hurts when your own sibling calls you "crazy" to your face. I have a Masters of Science in Education, specializing in Vocational Rehabilitation. I got it from Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa just before I left Iowa for good. Cold weather and FMS pain do not make me a "happy camper", The fact that so many people dismiss and malign those of us with mental health issues is a true travisty. I could NEVER EVER be violent to another. I worked for many years with special populations and have a true gift to assist others regardless of their circumstances/disability. Stigma is simply a reflection of those people who are closed minded and do not even want to begin to try and understand the suffering that another has been through. The saying, "Walk a mile in my shoes" really applies here. Yes I completely understand that there are those who while in a psychotic state could be dangerous to themselves or others. But not all of those with mental health problems are dangerous. A bit "excentric" perhaps, but certainly NOT dangerous. We each are trying to find our way through this life with some sense of success. It was quite hard on my self esteem when I had to apply and got disabilty. I was a WORKAHOLIC!! I really love to work. However, when one is in contant pain and near tears some eighty percent of the time something had to give. Stigma is a person to person educational challenge. People do not choose to have mental health problems. It is really the last thing that would be on their personal agenda. History has shown that some of our greatest leaders have suffered from depression. As I recall the "savior of the free world" Winston Churchill had the maladie. Be kind to others. I admit that when I am in pain, that I sometimes take it out verbally on someone I love. I know that is not right but it is the nature of any feeling being to "lash out" when they are hurting. (Like an injured animal can bite you if you approach it without due caution.) Back to the challenge of mental health stigma. It really will take education one on one and through our health system to change the public's image of this issue. This is not an easy undertaking nor will it happen over night. I for one still love my siblings. I really wish they could have visited me in the hospital the numerous times I was in there and in such terrible pain. Perhaps then they could have seen that I am NOT crazy, that depression is a transient and fluctuating disorder. It would be my wish that they had more empathy. I do not want sympathy. I want to be an agent for change in our society on mental health issues. One day at a time, one person, one conversation at a time. With my skills in Rehabilitation Counseling I have my work cut out for me. I wish to go on to Doctoral work in Psychology. My topic for my planned book is "Coping Skills For Those With Chronic Pain". I seem to have found several keys to circumvent and alleviate my own pain. I wish to share this knowledge with others who have pain disorders. Please lift me up in your thoughts and prayers as I do need them. Thank you for reading this. It has been written with the best of regards for those who have been through some of the same issues that I have dealt with in the past. I look forward to the future and to helping to change the stigma that is prevasive in our society. It is my thought that this challenge is worth the effort. There are a great many people suffering with mental illnesses. With compassion and education it is my belief that families can have healthier relationships and better lives (better quality of life) if there is more understanding regarding this challenging issue. Best Regards, Debra J. Kelly Greene, MS Edu Vocational Rehabilitation Counselor in Lenoir, NC from Northwood, Iowa
Thanks for helping to, as you so rightly wrote, release us from a prison. I could relate completely to that feeling.
I enjoyed this post and look forward to others. I am new to blogging myself, and (for once) am trying to be medically-compliant in treatment of BPII. I find this outlet and the foundation that developed it not only a supportive but positive and safe place. It has helped me illuminate my struggles to the people I love and who love me.
Thanks again.
Deb Bedard