You Don't Know

 You Don’t Know
By: Kristian

I have battled addictions
I have risen from the ashes
I have achieved more than what was expected for people like me.

But,
When you say I’m sensitive I want to hurt myself
When you point out my flaws you don’t know I have done that and worse most of my life
You signal me to stop laughing, but you don’t know how much pain my laugh has given me most of my life.

I am a fighter
I am a conqueror
I am a jack of all trades

But,
When you make comments about my appearance you don’t know I have to fight to not give into my past eating disorder.
When you use contradicting and indirect communication you don’t know it causes my anxiety to spike and my bipolar to rollercoaster.
When I have to fake it most hours of the day you don’t know my loved ones and few great people are trying to get my to not keep it in, my past self-hatred of feeling fake due to inexpression wins another goal.

I have a mental illness and I am a person
However,
You don’t know the lengths to which it goes
Or
How my past has changed me.

For me to laugh is a gift.
For me to smile is a gift.
For me to be 27 years old is a gift.

Please don’t take away my knowledge of my gifts.
Please take the time to get to know where I have come from.
Please don’t point out flaws that I can’t fix.
And
Please know I am doing the very best I can.